Mama Bear

There's a saying that goes something like, "never get between a mama bear and her cubs!" How true is that?

There are a lot of different parenting styles out there, but I have to say, the one that bothers me most is the parent who feels their child can do no wrong. As soon as they are told about a problem with their child, they get immediately on the defensive and come up with 101 excuses as to why it couldn't have been their child. Or if they do acknowledge their child's action, they'll have a very good reason for *why* he did it and why it should be excused.

In general, I am not one of those parents. It is no secret that my middle child has been the source of many of these situations for me. Unfortunately (for him and me) the moment I hear a parent talking about something being broken, my first instinct is to find out where my son is and what he has been doing. Up until the last 2 years, 9 times out of 10, he was probably the child they were talking about. I'm ashamed to admit there were probably a few times I blamed him for things that he probably didn't do, I am usually the first person to accuse him. :(

Thankfully, over the last 2 years, things have improved immensely. When he is responsible for some event, he has learned that telling me the truth is much better than lying about it (which I always find out about) and suffering worse punishment. I tell you all this as a precursor to my real story.

Yesterday, I picked up my kids as they had begun to walk home from school. We pulled in the driveway as I needed to run back into the house for something before we went to pick up Sam. Just as I pulled in, a car pulled up next to me. I could tell by the look on her face, that she was upset about something. My first thought, as sadly enough it usually is, was "what did he do now?"

The woman rolled down her window and said "those two kids (referring to my two) took Nathaniel's (the neighbor boy down the street) shoe and threw it into the creek."

Big sigh of relief from me, as I know Nathaniel...and of prior problems with this boy. So, I reply, "Well, you know...the creek has been an ongoing problem between these boys (the creek runs behind the school and through our neighborhood...it's a popular place for the boys to play in the warmer months). This isn't the first time something has been thrown in. This winter, Nathanial pushed my son into the slushy, freezing water causing his gameboy to fall out of his pocket and disappear downstream. He came home crying and freezing wet."

Her response, " Well, I saw him throw his shoe in!" My reply," Well, the creek has been an ongoing problem with the boys, maybe they need to stay away from it." and I walked away.

OK, so I'm getting angry again just thinking about this situation. When T.J. lost his gameboy (and the $40 brand new game that was in it) in the creek, he was devastated. I was upset as well. Both with him for losing it, and because he was so sad he lost it. But the real problem was that he had taken this game to school which he knew he was not supposed to do. Had he not done that, it wouldn't have fallen into the creek when he got pushed. I did not go marching down to this boy's house to tattle. What happened happened and it wasn't going to get the game back. I did go down to the creek to see if we could find the game, but we could not. I used this opportunity as a learning lesson for T.J.; when you break the rules, there are consequences. And not always from your mother. ;) While the pushing him was wrong, there was a bigger lesson in this for *my* son to learn. You broke 2 rules; taking the game to school, and playing in the creek after school instead of coming straight home. Had he followed the rules, he would still have his game.

When I got back into the car, both kids were very upset as they had heard the woman and told me that what the woman said was a lie. That they hadn't even been near the creek, so there was no way she could have *seen* anything. And they were both adamant that it didn't happen. I believe them because A. Hope doesn't do things like this and B. if T.J. had, Hope would be the first tattle on him, lol! I can't help but feel this boy was playing in the creek himself and ended up getting his shoe wet, and to avoid punishment from his grandmother (the kids later informed me that this woman was the grandmother) he invented a story. And as my own mother reminded me, grandmothers can be quite protective of their own as well, which would explain her mama bear reaction.

I personally believe that kids will be kids. If the shoe incident had really happened, so what? Shoes dry off. Gameboys do not. And while freezing, wet, little boys dry off as well, it's a lot more uncomfortable in the middle of winter than a wet shoe in April. Now if it was a repeated problem, where it was happening on a regular basis, then yes...I would intervene. But I really think kids need to work out their problems for themselves and not have adults intervening at every turn. Of course, if someone is being seriously hurt, or if the behavior is illegal, I would feel differently.

All I know is that I have a million things running through my head that I *wish* I'd said at that time, and didn't. ;-)