Recently, Paul and I had discussed the possibility of having one more baby. But I can honestly say, in the last week the thought of that happening has had made rather uneasy.
Another 9 months of pregnancy? Another newborn...with a toddler in tow? I remember how hectic those days were with Hope and T.J., being so busy with day to day things that finding the time to enjoy them was pretty much non existent. I enjoy Sam. I love feeding him. I love bathing him. I love changing him. I am in no rush to move on to the next activity. I have all the time I need to do what I want with him. Having another one would change that. And I don't think I want to.
I'll be 36 in a couple of weeks. At some point, I think I'd really like to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that at some point, I might actually have a life of my own before I die.
The really odd thing about all of this, is that I felt this way 2 years ago before I found out I was pregnant with Sam. I had an appointment in February to discuss my options, only to find out at the end of the month, that God had his own plan for me. There is a quote that says, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." I hope this time, His plans are the same as mine! ;)
2 comments:
We have been having the same discussion recently. I am torn still, but my DH is in the no camp.
Den and I have been discussing the choice about a sixth too. I think we are pretty sure we dont want to do it all again. However, if we did decide I would want to get on with it. I am 35, and will be 36 in April. I think I feel pretty complete though. I know, you are thinking...hello you have five. But since my m/c, this Fall, it opened up feelings I didnt know I had. However, to end this, i will say, we are leaning towards the No More choice. Only God knows though, right? BTW...I miss seeing you around the board, but I know how busy life is. Lots of love!
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